Cleveland All-Pro Wrestling Recap
There are, of course, two schools of thought on the project I am about to undertake:
1. Some people don't want me recapping wrestling because they think it's stupid.
2. Others appreciate when I apply myself to wrestling recaps.
Either way, this is an experiment. Cleveland All-Pro Wrestling is aired on Sports Time Ohio from 10:30 p.m. Saturday nights to ... well, I'm not really sure, actually. STO doesn't have a program guide, and I only know about CAPW because I saw the commercial for it while watching the John Carroll-Heidelberg basketball game.
So really, I have no idea what to expect. But why not give it a shot?
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I'm greeted by a preview, with an announcer telling me matches tonight will include:
-Evan Steele v. The Bouncer (no idea on either)
- Jason Bane v. Heavyweight champion Tracy Smothers (him I know).

We start in the locker room, with Tracy Smothers and some guy I don't know. Apparently "Crystal" is out of town and Smothers mocks the Browns and I can't really hear much else. Then Gypsy Joe comes in and strangles the unknown guy. Two minutes in and I'm lost without a map.
Smothers pulls Joe off and everyone seems to be getting along.
First match:

-"Real Deal" Evan Steele v. the Bouncer
The announcers aren't identified at first. The website tells me it's Joe Dombrowski and Jamie Scott. The Bouncer looks like a cross between Tommy Dreamer and Animal. Bouncer appears to be the face here, and the announcer lets me know Steele is in his CAPW debut. Steele does a nice "cannonball splash" (a running charge with a flip). Steele is about half the size of Bouncer, and Bouncer is doing quite a bit of selling. Steele uses a standing shooting star press. Well, he has no chance to get into WWE. He can move and he's not too big. Bouncer catches Steele off the rope with a sit-down power bomb. Steele kicks out of a power slam, then goes back on offense. Bouncer wins with something that resembles a black hole slam. That's not to be critical, I just don't know what the move is, and the announcer gave it a name I can't spell.

-Quick cut in tells me CK3 will face Chris Cole in a last-man-standing match next week.

-Greg Valentine will wrestle Sunday for CAPW. I saw Valentine lose to Warlord in November of 1991 in Richfield. The match wasn't even advertised, but I have always been a fan of Valentine, and was happy to see him. The sad thing now is Gorilla Monsoon is not around to stress how you need to get to the Hammer early, because he doesn't get going until later in the match.

- Main event: CAPW TV champ Jason Bane v. Heavyweight champ Tracy Smothers
I was kind of hoping Smothers would cut a promo on John Layfield. Smothers was involved in the greatest tag team match I have ever seen, when as a member of the Southern Boys, he faced the Midnight Express at the Great American Bash 1990. He's joined by Gypsy Joe and JT Lightning, the guy I didn't know from the beginning of the show.
Tracy cuts a promo against the crowd, which has taken to chanting "Tracy Sucks" st him. Lightning calls the crowd "Hillbillies, crackdealers, thieves, welfare recipients." Interesting equation there. Whatever happened to just picking out a kid in the crowd and calling him "fat boy?" It worked for Ric Flair. Lightning says he will "bust you in your pie hole."
Smothers than decides to get heat by saying "the Cleveland Browns are not the Cleveland Browns anymore." Tell us about it. Then Smothers refers to Art Modell as his uncle. That's effective, I'll give him that. And Smothers keeps going, bragging he worked out three days this week.
Smothers has not gotten in the ring yet. It seems as though there has been a half hour of stalling. Tracy's catchphrase seems to be "we'll kill everybody."
Anyway, Bane wins the title with a clothesline after Smothers hit Joe with the belt. Then the decision gets reversed because the referee saw the belt. Years go by, but the Dusty Finish will live forever.
Bane wants revenge, so he wants a handicap match Smothers, Joe and Lightning against Bane and Greg Valentine.
And with that, we get some more promos, and we're done.
Eh, that was weird. A lot more language than I would have expected on STO, and one OK match. I'll tune in next week, just to see who else comes in.