Friday, January 14, 2005

Post Holiday Aggression
By Andy Barch
Greetings, I hope you and yours had a terrific holiday season, even though it did end almost two weeks ago. I’m a lot like the guy who allegedly recorded Jose Canseco run a 4.3 40-yard dash, timing has never been my thing.
Speaking of Canseco, when is this New York Times Best Selling book of his coming out? Did he decide to stop the publication once Barry Bonds admitted to using an undetectable steroid? Either that or Canseco thought that he wouldn’t be able to compete with Triple H’s fitness guide or Mick Foley’s pop up comic book.
Randy Johnson got his first taste of the New York spotlight when he and a member of Yankee security had to verbally and moderately physically dispose of a cameraman who would not leave him alone. This is funny, according to espn.com Johnson told the cameraman “don’t get in my face and don’t talk back to me.” Now that’s a great way to begin at your new place of employment.
Oh New York, New York. Secretly you’ve got to wonder if the Big Unit regrets his decision. Now he has to cut his mullet, he’s got to shave his moustache, and he has to respond respectfully to reporters. Who does Steinbrenner want this guy to be? Shawn Bradley? Take away the Unit’s ‘stache, his mullet and his attitude, and he’s got about as going for him as Bradley.
From one Randy to the next, not only does Randy Moss walk off the field before the game is over in Washington while his team still has a chance to win, not only does he tell Jimmy Johnson in an interview later in the week that he was wrong but he’d do it again, but now he does a “mock” mooning to the crowd at Lambeau.
You have to wonder if this guy will ever learn his lesson. I’m tired of all the excuses, this guy is classless and he is a complete disgrace to the game. This is one of those guys you’d love to see play back in the era of Dick “Night Train” Lane, Butkus, Nitchske and my man Bitter Chuck Bednarik. Not only would Bednarik decleat Moss, he’d DECAPITATE him.
Speaking of the mooning, where in the hell are we going with these end zone celebrations? First we have group celebrations, then we have cell phones, then we have sharpies, now we have a “mock moon?”
My question is what comes next? Will a receiver pull a fan out of the crowd or a cheerleader and give us a “mock intercourse session?” Will we soon have to pay 50 cents per session for these like a freaking peep show? This is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its funny how Gene Washington moderately fines receivers for their end zone celebrations, yet he financially rapes defensive backs for their hits, which had been historically routine on wide receivers.
There needs to be another man with as much power as Washington who makes these kinds of decisions. A guy like…oh I don’t know RONNIE LOTT, or hell, make it interesting, throw Chuck Cecil in there, but lets get some balance because right now defensive players are becoming defenseless.
I appreciate the time, enjoy the chorus of boo’s that will surround Ashley Simpson’s next embarrassing karaoke performance, oops, I mean concert.
One last thing before I go, two thumbs up to my man Shawn Respert for winning his battle with cancer, and for doing it with such class. So many people labeled him a bust coming out of Michigan State, but nobody knew about his condition because he kept it under wraps.
You talk about a class guy, they dont get any classier than Respert. Not only did he handle the situation correctly, and not only did he beat cancer, but he bitch slapped it right in its face and kicked it square in the genitals.

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