Around the NFL. 32 Thoughts, one for each team
AFC East
Buffalo Bills: The Bills are stuck in a dryer and someone keeps pressing the "mediocre" button.

Miami Dolphins: Maybe they can convince LeBron to own part of the team if they promise to quit when they reach the playoffs.

New England Patriots: Randy Moss needs to clean that San Francisco Giants hat.

New York Jets: I haven't anything more hyped with less immediate results than that guy I promised I wouldn't rip on.

AFC North
Baltimore Ravens: No one gets more excited about doing so little than Ray Lewis.

Cincinnati Bengals: Maybe Chad and Terrell were too busy tweeting to realize the regular season had started.

Cleveland Browns: Leading the league in change without difference.

Pittsburgh Steelers: Ben Roethlisberger has to be wondering why he asked for a suspension reduction, since it's not like he'll be needed to beat the Browns in Week 6.

AFC South
Indianapolis Colts: They preseasoned week 1.

Houston Texans: The uniforms still are ugly.

Tennessee Titans: Beating the Raiders at home is about as challenging as changing the channel.

Jacksonville Jaguars: Well, Tebow left, so season's over.

AFC West
Oakland Raiders: Tom Cable just used scowl number 9.

San Diego Chargers: Philip Rivers just called me to whine about this post.

Kansas City Chiefs: Steve Perry just called Todd Haley to get his hairstyle back.

Denver Broncos: Brady Quinn doesn't even put Brady Quinn in while playing Madden.

NFC East
New York Giants: Looking for a new head coach because yesterday's win wasn't convincing enough.

Philadelphia Eagles: Uniforms from 1960, offense from 2001.

Dallas Cowboys: It's not Wade Phillips' fault that Tony Romo flipped the ball to a running back to get gang tackled on the last play of a half.

Washington Redskins: Washington is way ahead of other teams. They already have made 15 percent of their season win total.

NFC North
Minnesota Vikings: Brett Favre wants to watch Matlock.

Chicago Bears: Stealing a win at home against a bad team is no way to go through life.

Green Bay Packers: AJ Hawk and Brady Quinn have a lot of time to text.

Detroit Lions: Calvin Johnson wasn't allowed to catch his plane because he stopped to admire the cab ride to the airport.

NFC South
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: It's nice they brought in Jake Delhomme to mentor Josh Freeman.

Carolina Panthers: John Fox has realtors plugged into his cell.

Atlanta Falcons: Who was that guy dressed as Matt Ryan?

New Orleans Saints: Drew Brees just got a call from Philip Rivers, who whined about something.

NFC West
San Francisco 49ers: Mike Singletary hates all quarterbacks.

Seattle Seahawks: Pete Carroll just did a cartwheel after he got his mail.

Arizona Cardinals: Derek Anderson has a smile on his face that only comes when you leave the Browns.

St. Louis Rams: Fans of the Rams have been asked to be fans of the Rams.