Steroid hearings II
Yes, I watched Donald Fehr, Bud Selig and some clown named Rob Manfred on the stand yesterday, in a replay on C-span. Since I'm going to guess that all of you were sane enough not to watch the whole thing, I will transcribe it for you.

Congress: Thank you all for coming, you irresponsible idiots.

Don Fehr: My mic's not on.

Congress: Mr. Selig, didn't you have concerns about steroids, or at least suspicions, some 10 years ago? Why did it take this long to deal with it?

Bud Selig: Well, this is a very sensitive matter. I've been in this game 40 years and ....

Congress: Let's talk about the new steroid policy. There seems to be some discretion. It's not what you told us you agreed to. Mr. Fehr, can you explain this?

Fehr: My mic's not on ... hold on.

Congress: Mr. Selig?

Bud Selig: This is a very sensitive issue...

Congress: Why does it say you can give fines instead of suspensions?

Rob Manfred: That was a drafting error.

Congress: This is the most important part of the document. You're telling us this is a typo?

Rob Manfred: Shut Up! No typo. This is the best agreement ever created. I will not have my work questioned.

Congress: But it says there can be a fine at the comissioners discretion, and that it may not become public knowledge. Mr. Selig, were you aware of this?

Selig: Well, this is a very sensitive issue. I have been in this game 40 years. Did you know that I know Hank Aaron?

Congress: Mr. Fehr, were you aware of this language?

Fehr: What, excuse me, my mic is not working.

Congress: We can HEAR you.

Fehr: Yeah. Uh-huh.

Selig: Yeah, back 40 years ago, we didn't have microphones.

Manfred: Yes, and why are we even here? One offense--10 days, two offenses, 30 days! Why is this hard to understand?

Congress: Why do players get five strikes and their out? Why five offenses before a year's suspension.

Manfred: Shut UP. This is a brilliant piece of work.

Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio): Mr. Chairman, I have a question.

Congress: Oh shit. I mean, uh, go ahead congressman.

Kucinich: I am concerned about steroids, but what about other enhancing materials.

Congress: Such as?

Kucinich: Well, moondust. Couldn't that affect hitters as well? If they are injecting space materials, that sends a bad message to our youth. Mr. Selig? What about aliens in our national pastime?

Selig: Well, I have been in this game 40 years, and that's a very sensitive matter.

Fehr: My mic's not on.

Selig: Did you know that I have been in this game since LBJ was president? He was good. Not like this Nixon guy we have in there now.

Fehr: My Mic's not on.

Selig: I have been here 40 years, and that's a very sensitive matter.