Cleveland Indians offering high value players at low, low prices
A memo sent by the Cleveland Indians to other Major League Baseball clubs has just been leaked:
Disappointed with the players you have? Check out Jacobs Field, located in the heart of downtown Cleveland.
This is a once-every-two-years occurance. Good, affordable players are available for barely anything more than a promise of beanstock beans.
Need a good second baseman? Ronnie Belliard, an All-Star just two years ago is on the block. Outfielders? Todd Hollandsworth (seven homers off the bench) can be had. Pitchers? What kind do you need? Jake Westbrook and Guillermo Mota can be yours! Everything MUST GO! Except for outfielder Casey Blake, that is.
Call Mark Shapiro, or call 1-800-FIRESALE.
Here are some testimonials of satisfied customers:
Cincinnati Reds' general manager Wayne Krivsky: "We were predicted to be in last place by almost everyone, until Indians GM Mark Shapiro called. We got star second baseman Brandon Phillips for a Single-A pitcher. Suddenly everyone's calling me a genius. And all because Phillips couldn't get along with Indians' manager Eric Wedge. Thank you, Indians!"
Braves General Manager John Schuerholz: "People have asked me, 'how did you pry an all-star reliever like Bob Wickman in this pitching-starved market?' Ha. I just told them to call 1-800-FIRESALE. They'll get rid of anyone who may cost them money. I got Wickman for a Single-A catcher. I'm good, but not that good. Before I hung up on Shapiro, I told him I'd be putting his number on speed-dial. Whatever they're doing over there, I hope they don't stop."
But remember, this sale can't go on forever. Don't allow the waiver-wire to get in the way of one-sided deals. Call 1-800-FIRESALE now. The deadline is coming at 4 p.m. tomorrow. Deals like this can't last forever. Just ask Mariners general manager Bill Bavasi.
"I got two .300 hitters (Eduardo Perez and Ben Broussard) for AAA ballplayers," Bavasi said. "I almost feel guilty. Ha, not really."
Call 1-800-FIRESALE today. Indians scouts are standing by.
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